its been a while

its been a while since i last blogged.
i'm back from thailand bangkok. And what can i say i enjoyed myself :) like jint said, its quite surprising that i don't really feel the jet lag.. its as though i've taken a trip to pulau tekong and back.. you don't really feel the distance travelled.

a 2hr plane ride.. and.. lots of money spent...
its scary how fast money gets spent.. even in thailand..
the things are cheap.. but still.. u gota bargain for it..
and i am not cut out for such bargaining..
for one.. i'm the kind who is willing to pay more for something i like. and.. bargaining for one or two dollars less seems.. a little redundant ...
considering you are already getting and 80% discount from most singapore prices for shirts, food, sunglasses..

i've been also taking pictures like crazy...
really... loads of pics..

watched the thai girl show . Calypso at our hotel ; asia hotel.
watched men who become girls dance.

no matter how hard i try to look.. they still are guys... when they start talking and moving.. their gait... their face shape..their smaller hip to waist ratio.. their broader shoulders still resembles a mans slightly. there are traces. slight but undeniable.. and this is despite their aggressive attempts to become as feminine as possible..the fake boobs. the choreographed sway of the hands.. and calculated movements that men regard as 'womanly'.everything about them is appearance.. observing these men just a little more reveals all that they are not. they are not women.

i felt an instinctive uneasiness throughout the whole show.. it just was so wrong.
i don't know why.. but.. instinctively.. it was revolting.. seeing men.. flashing their artificial tits.. it was like an insult to the woman's body. however seamless the breasts seem to fit these trannies, the word fake ultimately diffuses to the minds of the audience as they watch the thai girl show. Consciously.. and subconsciously.. revolt.. as men attempt to be something entirely different from who they are supposed to be.. pity.. and.. disgust for these people coexist at the same time. They are a figment of the fantasies of men. Created for a show. The perfect man is not a man. it is woman.

they claim they are what they chose to be..
some of them have done so much plastic surgery that they cannot even smile naturally.. its as though they are smiling through a mask..
underneath the thick makeup.. these men are still unable to remove the imperfections on their face.. upon closer inspection the flaws on their face only show how human they are. the pock marks.. the rough skin on their face..

they can only do so much about their appearance.
but the problem lies in the belief that their appearance is who these men are.
however warped this ideal is.. these men believe it to be true.

i can only stand back and look.. and wonder why or how it has come to these. that a man should abandon his identity for something less..

who am i ?

not many really know the answer to this..
how such a simple question of sexuality has become a complicated struggle for self identity. no one can justify why he is a man or a woman. he just is.

its amazing... how when told enough times... anyone can be convinced that shit is gold and vice versa.

are we all settling for what the world says is in demand and giving up a joy that truly is worth much more than gold?

Of course i'm talking about Jesus.

religion does not equate to Christianity as many people think.its a relationship. Does a mans clothes make him more of a man in the midst of a hurricane?
does a label or a lifestyle dictate that one man is greater over another?
does knowing more make a professor more of a man than a little child?

communism attempts to absolve this stupidity. Democracy strives for himself. Religion
dictates that you have to be good enough for heaven.
But none of them have really answered the question to why men can't live without war, strife..

what i'm trying to get at is that there is no institute that man has come up with that really made the whole world a better place.

even as i write all these.. i'm wondering who am i to write all these down.. what am i trying to say.
i don't know. its just that i see too many discrepencies with the world.. to trust that there is such a thing as a self made man..

ok.. i feel that i've no more juice to think..

anyways.. i'll put up pics from the thailand trip..
and.. gosh.. i hope i've got space for all the pics...
:)

Thanks ...
Jint, MarKus, Ah Loong, DZ, Yings, yumei...
really enjoyed myself.
even though i worried so much about even being able to go to bangkok at all and enjoy myself.. he irony is that i probably spent the most there too...
you only get to do things so many times.. so...
make the most of it.

HEhe.. anywyas.. now that i'm back in singapore.. its time to unpack.. and be santa claus to the people around me..
slowly.. but surely.. i realize.. how much i need the help of people around me to succeed.

i simply cannot survive on my own.
i'm glad God has placed friends in my life who really care.

i'm comforted that i've a circle of friends who see the stupidity of the world and its superficiality.. the disgusting aspect of business that degrades the whole art of designing architecture. architecture no longer is architecture but a whim.