where does your confidence come from?

as i write this post.. i'm going through what i feel is a crunch time.
i feel this is the time where i can't afford to b a kid.
gota b responsible.

but, i will need confidence first..
so where does my confidence come from?
it came from man.
and it still does to a large extent.
but slowly, i'm seriously rethinking my whole idea of where my foundations are.
where have i been building my foundations so far for the last 23 years?
foundations in terms of what has been the major factor that has been driving me to make my decisions. the major foundation that i rely on when i need to interact with people. to a certain degree it has always been a mixture of what the bible says, coupled with my fear of man. that's how i interact with the people around me.the want to impress.

it sometimes seems cool to be oblivious to the talents that God has given us. but it is not that cool.

the christian life always says, God's first.

but it is always in the crunch times that we see how far this Christian motto holds true in our own lives. I've not had many crunch times. but during many of these crunch times, i'm not proud to say that i didn't put God first. for if i did, it would have been very clear from my actions.

why am i writing this post.
to be honest, i'm requestioning myself and asking myself the fundamental questions of how far am i going to be a Christian?
how am i going to be a christian to other people?

Like Andrew, who very honestly and objectively stated that he had to get right with God before he decided whether or not to go back to the worship ministry, i too have to get right with God once again. i was very encouraged when i heard Andrew's reason for stepping aside from band for a period of time. What he said i felt was from his heart.

its a pain.. when i think about all the work that has to b done in the midst of the new year preparations. My school work.. my portfolio to prepare.. church commitments... family, friends, loved ones. God. Juggling all these at once...

Only God could do that..
but yet, i am hopeful.

things will work out. i'm sure.
because my spirit tells me that.
and.. i'll have to learn to trust the instincts that i've been given.